Live your life in bright colours

My friend Louise and her family have just come back from three weeks travelling around southern Europe. No alarm clocks, no deadlines, no uniforms, no responsibilities, no pressure. Instead, they had sun, sea, mountains, wonderful food and wine. They explored new places, experienced different cultures, met interesting people and made new friends. In short, they had the most blissful time.

Coming back to reality after their heavenly holidays was, however, a terrible wrench. In Louise's case, reality is somewhat challenging and she found returning to it so traumatic that she cried for several days.

I remember several, particularly foreign, holidays when I sobbed the whole way home. In fact, it was during the last of these tear-stained journeys that I resolved to avoid this happening again by actually moving to Italy - and the two years I spent in Milan were among the very best of my life so far.

Of course, I'm making it sound easy because it was easy for me. I was at the right age and stage, I already spoke Italian and I took to teaching English like a duck to water. And, in any case, moving abroad is by no means a cure for all ills. The point I'm trying to make is that if, after some time off, you are really distressed by taking up the reins of your daily life again, this highlights how important it is for you to make some changes.

However, talking to Louise, I realised something else that is just as vital in the other direction. Since coming back from Milan and experiencing some disappointments as I resettled in England, I have been very careful to protect myself. Following the break-up of my relationship and the evaporation of my career dreams, my whole life seemed to be unravelling and the way I dealt with this was to batten the hatches, hold on tightly to what I had left and avoid taking risks.

In his book (made into an excellent film) Shadowlands, CS Lewis describes how it feels to have fallen in love with a woman suffering from cancer. Their love is made all the more intense by the fact that they have a limited time together and Lewis says, looking ahead to the desolation of his life after she has gone, "The pain then is part of the happiness now".

It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all - and I would add that it is better to have lived and lost than never to have lived at all. For the past 15 years, I have existed almost exclusively in shades of grey. Time now for some bright colours.

Why do I procrastinate?

As pointed out on the page about Your Work (though it’s true in every area of life), procrastination can be a real curse.

Because I’m much happier now, I procrastinate far less than I did but I used often to spend whole days engaged in what therapists call ‘intrapsychic struggle’. What this involves is my deciding I ought to achieve A, B and C today, if not D, E and F as well. Hey, it’s Saturday and we’re less likely to be interrupted by work calls, so let’s add G to the list as well. I’ve been working all week and would really benefit from some time off (that’s actually what weekends are for but I used to view them primarily as opportunities to get more done). So I attack A reluctantly and soon allow myself to be distracted. When I catch myself having ‘wasted’ time playing on Facebook or ringing a friend, I get furious and turn the full force of my sarcastic rage on my miserable inner self, who just wanted to have some fun.

Time spent in intrapsychic struggle is the worst of both worlds. You are not working but you’re certainly not relaxing either. As discussed in my previous post, ringfence leisure time and not only will you get more done, you'll have a more fulfilling life.

Deviously having fun when I'm 'meant' to be working is only one form that my procrastination has taken over the years but, however it manifests itself, what is lurking behind it is insecurity.

It was largely thanks to the book I’ve recommended on the site, Neil Fiore’s The Now Habit, that I discovered what my procrastination was all about. It explores the reasons behind procrastination and helps to combat it by debunking some myths.

If you tend to put off until tomorrow what you wish you had done today, get yourself a copy of The Now Habit and find out why. This won’t transform you into an action-hero overnight, of course, but once you understand your motivations, it’s so much easier to change your behaviour.

Get away from it all sometimes

I feel much more vigorous for having had a week’s holiday. Two weeks – or even, oh luxury, three – would have been even better but actually my whole life since the end of June has been a holiday of sorts, so I really can’t complain.

However much you enjoy your daily life, though, it’s good to get away from it sometimes. For me, being far from my accustomed surroundings gives me perspective and allows me to be more creative. It helps me to realise things I couldn’t see before, because I was too close to them, to consolidate my thinking and to make any big decisions I need to make.

If you’re a workaholic, do bear in mind that a proper holiday once in a while actually makes you more productive when you get back to work. Rather than pushing yourself on and on relentlessly, give yourself some time off and you may be surprised with what new vigour - and perspective - you return to work. If you want to think outside the box, you’ve got to get away from your four walls occasionally.

Leaving quotidian concerns behind gives me time and space to give My Self more priority. I start to take more interest in what I’m eating, to feel free to spend hours walking or swimming without feeling I ought to be working. I enjoy challenging myself, both physically (mountain-hiking and so on) and psychologically (for example, by finding my way on public transport across a city I’ve never been to before). All this brings me an enormous sense of wellbeing. As I’ve mentioned, this revitalises me and makes me more creative and insightful. It also reminds me that these things are important and that I need to give them more priority in my daily life as well.