Live your life in bright colours

My friend Louise and her family have just come back from three weeks travelling around southern Europe. No alarm clocks, no deadlines, no uniforms, no responsibilities, no pressure. Instead, they had sun, sea, mountains, wonderful food and wine. They explored new places, experienced different cultures, met interesting people and made new friends. In short, they had the most blissful time.

Coming back to reality after their heavenly holidays was, however, a terrible wrench. In Louise's case, reality is somewhat challenging and she found returning to it so traumatic that she cried for several days.

I remember several, particularly foreign, holidays when I sobbed the whole way home. In fact, it was during the last of these tear-stained journeys that I resolved to avoid this happening again by actually moving to Italy - and the two years I spent in Milan were among the very best of my life so far.

Of course, I'm making it sound easy because it was easy for me. I was at the right age and stage, I already spoke Italian and I took to teaching English like a duck to water. And, in any case, moving abroad is by no means a cure for all ills. The point I'm trying to make is that if, after some time off, you are really distressed by taking up the reins of your daily life again, this highlights how important it is for you to make some changes.

However, talking to Louise, I realised something else that is just as vital in the other direction. Since coming back from Milan and experiencing some disappointments as I resettled in England, I have been very careful to protect myself. Following the break-up of my relationship and the evaporation of my career dreams, my whole life seemed to be unravelling and the way I dealt with this was to batten the hatches, hold on tightly to what I had left and avoid taking risks.

In his book (made into an excellent film) Shadowlands, CS Lewis describes how it feels to have fallen in love with a woman suffering from cancer. Their love is made all the more intense by the fact that they have a limited time together and Lewis says, looking ahead to the desolation of his life after she has gone, "The pain then is part of the happiness now".

It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all - and I would add that it is better to have lived and lost than never to have lived at all. For the past 15 years, I have existed almost exclusively in shades of grey. Time now for some bright colours.