It's good to talk

As Bob Hoskins used to say on the BT advertisements, it’s good to talk. I mention this because I’ve just grasped the nettle and rung up a friend I was afraid I’d annoyed and I feel most uplifted by the result.

I thought I’d let Mark down and that he wouldn’t want to see me again. The longer we didn’t speak, the more sure I was that I was right and he had crossed me off his list of friends. When I found the courage to ring him, however, it was immediately clear that all this had been a product of my paranoid imagination and that everything was fine. We’re going to meet up next week and normal friendship has been resumed.

If he had been fed up with me, the conversation would have been more difficult but I believe we would have sorted it out. So ringing was certainly the right thing to do. When I was depressed, I found it next to impossible to pick up the telephone but, now that I can do that again, I feel hugely relieved that I haven’t lost a friend.

Almost all relationships have ups and downs. The important thing is not to let the downs slide too far; if someone is important to you, don’t let him or her slip out of your life just because it seems too hard to say you’re sorry or to address whatever the problem has been.

When you’re not communicating, worries and resentments can build up. The only way to deal with this is to keep talking. And listening, of course.

Moving on without moving away

I was sure I would be living in South Shields by now. I’d chosen a flat to rent there, given my notice here, organised removal men and done everything to prepare for my move except actually pack. At the last minute, the estate agency, having told me there was nothing to worry about, let my prospective flat to someone else - someone with a fat, shiny job. I, being self-employed, was not a safe enough bet and there was nothing I could say or do to persuade them that I would actually pay the rent.

That was a major blow. I’d hung so much on this move: it was to be a new dawn, the opportunity to reinvent myself amongst people who didn’t know me and thus would have no expections of me. I’d planned out a whole new lifestyle and a whole new attitude.

Luckily, it suited my landlord to let me stay, so at least I wasn’t out on the street. But I felt very stuck and it seemed impossibly difficult to reinvent myself in the same environment. For a few days, I hovered on the edge of despair.

Then I realised that the momentum of having prepared for all the changes I wanted to make was going to carry me along and that I would, after all, be able to move on without moving away. So much of reality is simply one’s own perspective and a rosier view of life has been creeping up on me for some time. I thought I needed to move house in order to nurture it in new soil but actually it’s going to be able to flourish in the ashes of my old life.

If you feel stuck, remember that 90% of this may be just the way you’re looking at your situation. This is easy to say and, if you’re suffering as I was, you probably already know, deep down, that you are your own prison officer. However, it may cheer you to hear that my world is a completely different colour from the grey it was a few months ago – and this can work for you too.